The Strength of Vulnerability: Kneeling, Cuffed, but Unstoppable
from new upcoming book Uncovered. Part I: Soul
There was a time when I believed I was untouchable. I thought I had this freedom, like nothing could bring me down. But then I met people who started taking pieces of me. Slowly at first, then more aggressively, until it felt like they had stripped away everything I needed to feel whole. I used to trust easily, let people in, but somewhere along the way, I was betrayed. They held me down, left me gasping for air, and when they were done, they spit me out like I was nothing. It was as though everything I had built, all the strength I had gathered, could be blown away like ashes in the wind.
What I didn’t understand at the time was how easy it was for them. They created the storm in my life, but I was the one who had to face it. The hurricanes in my head, the chaos in my heart, it was my storm to survive. I was drowning in it, and they made it look effortless. I couldn’t escape or look away because, in some twisted way, they thrived on my pain. They watched me struggle, bleed, and in that, they found satisfaction.
Even when I was on my knees, broken and beaten, it still wasn’t enough for them. They wanted to make sure I wouldn’t rise again, so they cuffed my hands, assuming that would hold me down for good. But they didn’t realize that even in that moment of defeat, I wasn’t finished.
They thought those restraints could keep me from standing back up, from reclaiming my freedom. But they underestimated the strength that comes from facing your darkest moments. Even though they caused this, they wanted me to believe it was my fault. But it wasn’t. In my journey of self-discovery, much like in Uncovered, I had to confront this blame.
When you’re constantly blamed for other people’s actions, it weighs you down and keeps you from moving forward. I almost lost myself in that struggle. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop myself from falling into their traps. But the reality is, I did what I had to do to survive. You can’t blame me for that.
I scraped my way through the impossible, trying to find a way out. And in the midst of this, I began to see the truth about people: how most of them had lost faith, even in themselves. They built walls and limits, but my vision was different. I took risks, broke through ceilings they couldn’t, and realized that my path led somewhere higher.
When I started Uncovered, it wasn’t just about telling a story, it was about peeling back the layers of who I am. The pieces of me that were lost, the ones taken away, and those I reclaimed. Each character I brought to life in Uncovered represents that struggle, that journey. The characters in The Five: Part II Body, each one a facet of my experience - are reflections of both pain and the freedom that comes from owning my truth. It wasn’t about being perfect; it was about being honest. And in that honesty, I found freedom, not the illusion I once clung to, but something real.
People love to assign blame, to find someone responsible for their discomfort, jealousy, or failures. But I’ve learned through my journey, both in life and through Uncovered, that we cannot carry other people’s guilt. It’s not my fault that I needed to break free. It’s not my fault that I had to cut ties with those who held me down. And it’s certainly not my fault that I chose to live my life openly and without shame.
At the end of the day, you can’t blame me for choosing myself, for doing what I needed to do to reclaim the pieces of me that were stolen. Uncovered became my way of sharing that truth with the world, showing that we all have storms to weather. But it’s up to us to emerge on the other side stronger, unapologetic, and free from the burden of blame.
Picture above, from Uncovered. The Five: Chapter III. Mercenary, where I’m kneeling with my hands cuffed behind my back, represents a moment of deep vulnerability, a visual echo of when I felt powerless.
At first glance, it may look like surrender, like defeat. But to me, it symbolizes something much more. That moment, frozen in time, isn’t just about being held down. It’s about the strength that comes from enduring, from knowing that even when your hands are tied, your mind and spirit remain free.
When I look at that image, I see myself reclaiming my power. Even with physical restraints, it’s a reflection of how I refused to be confined by the blame others tried to place on me. It’s like a chapter of Uncovered, where the layers of control and external expectations were stripped away, revealing the truth underneath. I had to kneel to rise. In those cuffs, I see my choice to break free from the constraints others placed on me, and I chose to stand again—this time, on my terms…
Photography by Dmitry Bocharov - https://www.dmitrybocharov.com
